Avoiding Thoughts

Where to start? It is difficult to blog without giving it thought, but some thoughts have arisen that need to be purged. The other night I took my laptop out of my study where it always sits on the desk, so that my partner and I could watch the Eckhardt Tolle chapter 2 of A New Earth in the comfort of our lounge room. Because of the time difference I miss out on sitting in the worlds biggest classroom for the live broadcast of this event but having the recorded version is almost as good.

Half way through the session my laptop shut down because it wasn't plugged into a power source, it was quite late anyway so I was happy to go to bed. Taking the laptop off my lap and lifting it up I noticed how heavy it was, therefore rather than think it, I said,"this laptop is so heavy". Having been in a relaxed state I was very aware of its weight and the impact of lifting it especially since it is something that I rarely do.

Here is the issue that I need to put to rest - my partner immediately exclaimed, "there you go moaning again!". I told him the truth, that I was simpy stating what I felt, but he just didn't accept it, he said I am always complaining about something. While I was brushing my teeth this previous intereaction was consuming my mind so I came back to the loungeroom to sort it out. I asked why he thought I was moaning when I told him that it was not my intention to do so. His answer was that it was the tone of my voice that said it all.

Here lies the problem, does that mean that whenever I speak, he misinteprets my message and he possibly thinks I am moaning, unhappy, or criticising? Is that why he is unhappy a lot of the time .... because he thinks I am being negative? This is typical of the sort of thing you read about in Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.

It is not my intention to make anyone unhappy! I ask myself - "when you realise that there is a misunderstanding and you attempt to clarify it, what is stopping the other person from accepting the truth?" I would like to just BE and not think about all this but my dilema is that I may be causing suffering? Aha, I am creating my own suffering by thinking about this and since it is in the past it does not matter and if he thinks I am negative, that is his problem. Sounds good to me; enough thinking!

By the way my little goldfish have passed away, Tom died last week and Timmy died this morning. It has been quite remarkable how all the fish that I've had (about 6 in a year), have said good bye just before leaving this creation. This morning Timmy was at the bottom of the tank and he made an effort twice to rise when I came near, then he sank for the last time. Last week after I entered the room, Tom swam closest to where I was standing and then he died ... and so it has been with the other fish, they made there presence felt as a final departing gesture. They were so beautiful!